Have you ever heard a woman say “I want a real man” or “where have all the real men gone?”
Do you find that offensive as a man? If you do, carry on reading…
She might not be wrong; let me tell you why.
The metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly is one of the most iconic transformations in nature.
“The story usually begins with a very hungry caterpillar hatching from an egg. The caterpillar, or what is more scientifically termed a larva, stuffs itself with leaves, growing plumper and longer through a series of molts in which it sheds its skin.
One day, the caterpillar stops eating, hangs upside down from a twig or leaf and spins itself a silky cocoon or molts into a shiny chrysalis. Within its protective casing, the caterpillar radically transforms its body, eventually emerging as a butterfly or moth.” Scientific American
The final stage is called “adulthood,” that’s where the caterpillar has morphed into a butterfly.
For a boy, he must psychologically go through a similar process. It’s called initiation; this morphs the boy into a man, shedding his childish behaviours.
If he doesn’t, he’ll be stuck in boy-psychology.
When women say they “WANT A REAL MAN” this is what they refer to. A man who’s metamorphosed into adulthood and has emerged as a mature high-value masculine man.
Signs when a man has gone through this transformation:
- A real man has a higher threshold for discomfort, seeking the strongest course of action. The boy is over-sensitive and quickly seeks the path of least resistance.
- When things get hard, a real man leans into the challenge. The boy avoids it.
- A real man doesn’t criticise. Instead, he gets curious and extracts value from every situation. The boy is super judgemental, closed and critical of different opinions or perspectives.
- A real man calmly responds to stressful situations, maintaining his masculine frame. The boy lashes out when stressed or when things do not meet his expectations.
- A real man is patient and seeks the path of effectiveness. The boy is impatient and seeks instant gratification.
- A real man enters relationships slowly, looking for signs of compatibility before committing fully. A boy who falls too quickly might find himself losing his sense of self for the sake of someone else’s needs, possibly missing out on what could have been an even better opportunity down the line.
- A real man stays composed and maintains his masculine frame through adversity. The boy loses composure and is all over the place.
- A real man is an effective communicator of his needs and wants. The boy expects others to mind read his needs and have them met in a timely fashion.
- A real man is governed by this emotional centre. The boy is fickle and latches to strong figures, losing himself.
- A real man prioritises his worldly purpose. The boy over-focuses on the relationship, making it his central world.
- A real man leads. The boy waits to be led.
- A real man allows a woman to self-examine herself and supports her through her growth journey, holding non-judgemental space. The boy is over-consumed with fixing and rescuing unhealthy women in crisis.
- A real man has strong boundaries and consistently enforces them based on principles. The boy’s weak boundaries are enforced out of anger and resentment.
- A real man has high standards in all areas of his life. The boy has wavering standards.
- A real man isn’t nervous talking to anyone because he’s internally validated. The boy puts beautiful women and powerful people on a pedestal and becomes an a$s licker, constantly seeking their approval.
- A real man prioritises self-care. The boy neglects his well-being.
- A real man doesn’t forgo his plans and commitments for women or cheap thrills. The boy is desperate for pu$sy and is ready to instantly drop his mates and everything.
- A real man isn’t a people pleaser; he is comfortable knowing that some people won’t like him or his choices. The boy people-pleases and make everyone’s needs a priority to look good.
- A real man is stoic, yet connected to these emotions. The boy avoids his emotions and lets them run him.
These are some of the significant differences between mature and immature males.
You can be in your 40s and still not mature because all males need to be guided to this path.
How Does A Boy Transition Into A Man?
The boy (adult boy) needs a men’s group and three men in his life, the guide, the equaliser and the mentee.
Humans are tribal people; we’re not built to live in solitude for long periods. Men need other strong men to grow strong, iron sharpens iron.
A mature masculine man who’s walked that path (alder, a coach).
A man who’s at the same level for you to swap notes and challenge each other.
The best way to learn to teach, an equaliser must find a mentee who is ready to start the healing journey into a man.
If you are looking to become a high-value charismatic man women desire and men respect, reach out to me at https://masculine.co/schedule-call/