“Just about everything a Nice Guy does is consciously or unconsciously calculated to gain someone’s approval or to avoid disapproval.”
― Dr Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy
Once I learnt I had so many nice-guy tendencies like millions, if not billions of men. I went on a personal mission to recover from my nice-guy-syndrome with some help from coaches, therapists and masculine training.
Are you a nice-guy?
Let’s find out.
- The NICE LIE. Nice-guy-syndrome sufferers smile a lot and come across as over-friendly in order to be loved and accepted. They like to show the world they are nice and courteous and will not cause harm, not like the other alpha males they perceive to be cold, arrogant, and disrespectful. Nice-guys believe they will attract women because of their softer, non-upsetting and non-offending approach. This just makes nice-guys avoid saying what’s really on their mind until their anger explodes.
- Nice-guys strongly believe in the fairy tale that everyone and everything should be rosy. Therefore nice-guys avoid conflict, confrontations and challenges (such as receiving feedback, getting out of their comfort zone, discipline, keeping their word). This then leads to them lying and hiding their real feelings or desires.
- Nice-guys love to ‘care take’ others more than themselves. They end up with women who need rescuing, fixing and saving. They put all their effort into fixing the woman in their lives, and when she doesn’t turn out to be how he expected, he boils up with resentment and blames her.
- Nice-guys eventually lose out on friendships, hobbies and passion because they focus too much on their intimate relationship. If she’s feeling low, nice guys end up mirroring her emotions because he’s not learnt to function from his emotional centre. He often panics when he senses tension. To end his and her suffering, he frantically mollycoddles her until she feels suffocated. In contrast, a masculine man would show up grounded yet intuitively supportive.
- Nice-guys are extremely dissatisfied when it comes to their sexuality. Anxiety makes them sexually dysfunctional where they cannot get or maintain an erection, peaking too soon, needing extremes to feel the excitement. They also soothe their anxiety through addictions such as pornography, prostitution, affairs, compulsive mast*rbation etc… In a relationship, the dead bedroom is a common occurrence.
- Nice-guys are full of resentment because they are always ready to help and fix others’ at the expense of their own needs. They then end up doing a lousy job by only being able to deliver half promises. They cannot say ‘NO’ because they lack boundaries and don’t want to be disliked.
- Nice-guys suffer from mood swings as if they are on a pendulum. One minute they can be nice; the next, oversensitive, moody and aggressive; they are unaware of their unmet needs. They can easily become judgmental, sulky, withdrawn, bitchy, petty, naggy and so on.
- Nice-guys are terrible listeners because they get caught up in trying to either defend themselves like a little boy or incessantly try to fix others’ problems. Due to not listening, they lack understanding and a thorough grasp of the issues in front of them.
Watch out for the ‘nice-girl-syndrome’ sufferers out there too. Opt for a lady who will speak their mind and talk openly with you to resolve conflict.