Ever had a friend who every six months say:
1️⃣ “I Found The One”
2️⃣ “This Could Be It”
3️⃣ “It Feels Very Different”
4️⃣ “I Love Her”
5️⃣ “I Am Going To Marry Her”
6️⃣ “I’ve Known Her Forever”
7️⃣ “It Was Love At First Sight”
8️⃣ “We Have Intense Chemistry”
9️⃣ “It’s Meant To Be”
Yeah, I have one like that, and sometimes I just want to smack this fool in the mouth when he utters these words.
And nothing I or anyone can say will change his behaviours because….
…he loves falling in love, but not enduring the relationship or anything else in his life that requires you to do the hard stuff.
Guys like him are very emotional and suffer from emotional swings constantly. They can be fun to be around one minute, drainers the next.
They often self-sabotage because as they can be too impulsive for their own good. Too much drinking, overspending, over-promising etc…
They can get attached fast when they meet a super attractive woman when dating.
This needy attachment makes them super naive to the red flags from both sides.
And when the red flags start waving like in a hurrican, he runs or stays stuck in a toxic relationship until the breaking point.
And then the cycle starts all over again.
The Science Behind The Toxic Attachment
“Being with someone who is a challenge stimulates surges of catecholamines (adrenaline, norepinephrine), which, combined with your endogenous Opiates and other hormones, cause you to feel infatuated.
infatuation is a cocaine-like emotional high that intensifies your sexual feelings and medicates the rigors of intimacy. Caught up in the heat of passion (mediated by these . neurochemicals), two people just getting acquainted are able to be intimate without embarrassment.
To stay high, abandoholics keep seeking uncommitted partners. When someone comes along who is available, your body doesn’t produce enough catecholamines to support this high. You experience this as having no chemistry and go into withdrawal from your addiction.
Unless you’re inebriated on love chemicals, you can’t tolerate the intimacy of a real relationship. So you run.
Like a junkie desperate for a love fix, you search for another lover who arouses just the right dose of fear to get you emotionally loaded. You’re in denial: When your body is attracted (addicted), it tells you you’re in love. When your partner becomes available, your love-stress hormones stop flowing. and you fall out of love.”
SUSAN ANDERSON, Psychotherapist
Welcome to the love-bombing loop from hell.
To break from this narcissistic loop requires you to keep your mouth shut and slow down your courting actions because….
Fools rush in!
P.S. I know this well because I’ve been that fool.