The Victim & The Fragile Wimp

Sometimes in life, we get stuck.

At some stage of their lives, most people will encounter a roadblock that they cannot pass, whether it is an illness, insecurity, or doubt. Some of us can get stuck in life for only a short period, or some can get stuck for decades.

If you’re stuck in an area of life, and you don’t know why it could be because you are suffering from a victimised mindset and a fragile ego, and you don’t even realise it.

Victims tend to get easily stuck in a frame of mind in which they feel helpless and unable to get through issues in life. A victim is someone who gives away control and acts victimised.

Victims get stuck in their bullshit, in their own stories, excuses and rationalisations. They become wimps to their insecurities. They believe they are really stuck, and their incessant worrying leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Introducing The Victimised

A victim mentality is more common than we think or care to admit. Unfortunately, it’s a disease plaguing the West.

Mental health issues can be shrouded in neurosis. Neurosis leading to endless pain and suffering. Suffering not only on the part of the individual but also of those people around the victim.

Victims miss this and don’t even realise that they are perhaps at the centre of their issues.

So how do we start discovering if we have a victim mindset? Begin by asking yourself powerful questions:

  • What area of your life are you stuck?
  • Where in your life do you have a victim mindset? Ask yourself, be honest!
  • What makes a victim a victim? A victim thinks that the external world is a greater obstacle to him than he is to himself.

Victimised Relationships

Our mind loves to play the victim role in intimate relationships. If you get in a fight with your partner, the dynamics usually result in arguing back and forth until one of the partners can claim to be the biggest victim.

A typical argumentative dynamic that turns up in all our relationships in life. When you argue with a family member, both sides say the other side has victimised them. “You did that to me, or she did that to them.” And whoever can prove that they are more of a victim wins the argument.

Most men don’t even realise they are doing this, and on the back of it, they will make certain demands of their partner. This is very weak and very ungrounded. It can lead to damage in the relationship, co-dependency and the typical “nice guy” fallout.

Victimised Dating

Dating for men can also be deeply affected if they have a victim mentality. Women can sniff victim energy off from a mile away.

If you feel sorry for yourself and wallow in your own shit, then that’s how women will treat you… like shit! If you are not bold and brave, if you feel sorry for yourself, then you will attract low-quality women.

Women who are reciprocally insecure and needy, resulting in an unhappy co-dependent relationship where you feed off each other’s miseries and unhappiness. This is typical of western relationships, where we are taught nowadays that being a victim is a positive.

Not taking responsibility for your actions is a poor way to live life and is the ultimate losing strategy. This leads to a man feeling helpless in dating and struggling to meet high-quality women.

Victim energy soaks through everything in life and also turns up outside of dating. Whether in business, with your friends etc.

Other typical victim thoughts and tribulations include:

  • It’s impossible
  • It just won’t work in this situation
  • I have already tried everything I can
  • It’s not just going to happen
  • I don’t know-how
  • My genetics won’t let me
  • My life situation just won’t let me do it
  • My boss is holding me back
  • My husband is holding me back
  • My children are eating up my time
  • I don’t have enough time in the day
  • The Victim’s Fragile Ego

Victim mentality is closely tied with having a fragile ego. Low self-esteem is a hallmark of a fragile ego. A person with a fragile ego is easily influenced by what others think of them.

Someone with a fragile ego lacks core strength and beliefs in themselves. It’s all about lacking. This is such a painful area for some people because it is difficult to find what is lacking. It’s a bit of a silly notion. If you’re lacking something, how can you find what’s missing?

In the self-development community, there’s a notion that you can wishfully positively think yourself out of this “lacking”. How antiquated. How silly.

Someone with a fragile ego has a distorted image of themselves and the world. You can’t easily think yourself out of this fragility, no matter how positive your thinking is. It’s not steeped in the truth of reality, and it has many paradigms that cannot be quickly shifted.

Fragile people look for others for approval and will fall over like a feather when they are hurt. They are sensitive and have deluded perceptions.

Victimised Responsibility

To begin to heal these deep victim wounds. You need to start questioning yourself about who is responsible for the quality of your life. Is it society? Is it your family? Is it your culture? Is it your friends?

Some people will point outwards to the external and call society into account. Blaming society is too easy and regularly done. And although society does play a role in shaping our lives, you can’t change it. If we look a little closer at ourselves, we may start pointing at other parts of our life, including friends or family.

But if we blame our friends and family, we reinforce the belief that we have no way of changing and that there is no way to fix our situation. We must realise that blaming others doesn’t get to the root cause or even begin to solve the issue. So instead, we need to push even deeper, look at ourselves, and realise that we hold more responsibility than the outside world.

We may not like this truth, and it may lead to viral thoughts. For example, someone with a victim mentality can feel pleasure when receiving attention or pity due to their misfortune. They may also get a perverse “thrill” from showing off the injury caused by others and creating a sense of guilt. Refusing to accept responsibility for a problem can be liberating, too.

Behaving like a victim/thinking like a victim is tricky to escape. People can spend decades looking for the solutions but never snapping out of being a victim. It is like a paradox. You are the obstacle. There are no other obstacles than you in life. Anything you think is an external obstacle – like a lack of money or time or the world being unfair – this is an illusion. Your mind is the obstacle.

You must realise you are responsible for 100% of your life. It takes a strong person to realise this. If you think you are stuck because of some outer circumstance holding you back. You’re mistaken.

Victimised Self

Self-image also plays a crucial role in overcoming the victim mentality – fragile ego paradigm. Self-image is the personal view, or mental picture, that we have of ourselves.

A lack of introspection is key and some “soul searching” is required. We can begin to overcome this paradox by going deep into ourselves and practising mastery of the mind, identifying and removing our limited beliefs.

Becoming more aware and mindful of the issues of our mind and instilling positive habits to avoid these victim traps. And finally becoming the master of yourself and your mind, so you cant deceive yourself any longer. All of this will lead to more success in life in a fulfilling way.

For years I have been stuck in a victim.

And it turns up constantly in my life. It ruins my relationships – friendships and dating. I am scared of my own shadow, and I am terrified of putting myself out there because of my self-esteem issues and dark imagining about the world.

It has led to years of suffering and holding myself back in life from achieving the most significant things. I am a victim around beautiful women because I don’t think I am confident enough or brave enough to speak to them.

Shy Guy

Victims put others on a pedestal and act like they are not good enough to be talking to them. However, I have chosen to take action and change my life around and spent the last few years growing and developing my inner strength.

Un-Victimised Exercise

A quick exercise for overcoming being a victim:

  • Step 1 – Pick an area of life that you are a victim / can’t change and write down all justifications about why you can’t change.
  • Step 2 – Then, write down why it’s impossible and why it’s not your fault. Identify why the problem is an external problem
  • Step 3 – with the above list, identify why the problem is actually an internal problem.
  • Step 4 – ask questions such as: How am I creating the obstacle? What am I avoiding by creating this obstacle? What must I believe to be a victim?

You’ll realise from this exercise that your misfortune and suffering are 100% your responsibility.

Victimised Thinking

Victimised Thinking

It is essential to eliminate all forms of victim thinking.

If you are operating from a place of victim energy, you will struggle with crucial aspects of your life, whether relationships, business or family. It’s vital that you get control of your life where you show up as the victim. You do not need to live this way, you were not born a victim, and you can drop this role you play.

We can use special tools like visualisation, meditation, affirmations, contemplation, shadow work, and journaling to help us unearth these cognitive distortions.

And finally, remember, it will take years to work out how to get over a victim mindset. For years you will resist becoming conscious. If you don’t fix the issues internally, they will always be projected into the outer world. Do not worry so much about the outer. You should fear yourself and not the outer world.

Stop gullibly believing your mind.

Your mind is the obstacle and the only obstacle. There are several layers of distortions to get through, and this will naturally take time.

With persistence and patience, you can break down the mental barriers, overcome mental obstacles and jailbreak your mind of the internal victim script.