I hopped on a free coaching call today with Faisal about Masculine Charisma and becoming a higher-value man.
The reason for my doing this has been the fact that I’m fed-up with how I’ve comported myself for the last few years.
I’ve had crippling low self-worth and social anxiety, plus fear of rejection and even, counter-intuitively, fear of intimacy.
To numb all this out, I’ve turned to daily drinking with the hopes of dissolving all these agonising emotions and merging into Oblivion. But when I’d keep waking up each day, severely hungover and still in a body, I’d become extremely depressed that my life hadn’t ended yet.
Basically, I found it impossible to keep living with myself as I was…
I’ve had relationships with women, but they haven’t been necessarily successful.
I’ve always had an underlying bitterness and resentment toward women, especially beautiful and intelligent ones, and that’s because I’d been pedestalizing them, like somehow they’re better than me and unobtainable.
It sucks, because a lot of my friends have said things like ‘you’re a catch’, or ‘you’re such a good-looking guy: why do you have problems with women?’
It wasn’t until this call with Faisal that I realized that none of this has to do with being good with women, or picking them up and fucking them just to flex your numbers and ego.
It’s about being a MAN.
Boy psychology is all-pervasive, even among players and the PUI world. But this is about digging deep and tapping into the CORE of the MASCULINE, and bringing out and living its various archetypes OUT LOUD.
I recall one day at gym class (I was about 7 or 8 years old) we had this rather abusive substitute teacher who would get the whole class to lay on the floor while he would step on our chest and shout: ‘ARE YOU A MAN OR A MOUSE!!!??’
While his teaching approach would have been undone in today’s snowflake world, I secretly enjoyed what he was doing.
When it was my turn to be stepped on and bellowed at (ARE YOU A MAN OR A MOUSE!!!??) I ROARED right back at him: I’m a MAN!
Even though I was feeling the crushing pressure on my chest. It was a warrior-like defiance that I already had deep inside of me, but then went on to be suppressed by society and parents as life progressed…
Now at age 30, I’m at a crossroads where I could either continue down the route of toxic passivity, hoping that I’ll be saved and cared for. Or I take matters into my own hands.
Looking at my own personality structure, there’s an excess of the fawning jester who is quite unfiltered, tells a lot of off-colour jokes and is basically there to be a shit-stirrer within his environment. In other words, I have been playing The Fool, as well as the Mystic who doesn’t really care what happens to himself or the world because he’s been through so much abuse.
And yet there’s me wondering why I can’t get laid regularly. Why don’t women respect me? Why am I friendzoned? Why my relationships just tend to fizzle out or just plateau into an indefinite, vacant limbo.
And, as Faisal pointed out, it’s because I have yet to fully integrate my other archetypes: the King, the Warrior, the Magician, and the Lover. I haven’t been changing gears at all.
A true Man knows which archetype to step into when the time is right. Knowing how to be socially adept instead of inept. Being able to read a room and act accordingly. You can still embody an archetype AND remain authentic: that is what I have yet to put into practice more.
Faisal spent a solid hour with me on the call holding immense space and also giving direct, applicable advice that anyone would normally have paid for. The value he offers is insanely high, and his demeanour is genuine.
Everything he says he’s obviously been through, and the advice is well thought-through and really should be used by any man who is even vaguely struggling in life.
For instance, I was set homework to read ‘No More Mr Nice Guy’, to get busy in life so as to get some decent finances together, and reminded that nobody is coming to save you except YOU.
He also highlighted the necessity of character refinement. This is absolutely critical. Character refinement is what gets the desired results in the world and with women. It’s as simple as ‘Be who you want to become’, but obviously that is easier said than done because you have to put in the actual WORK and TAKE ACTION.
Having grown up in an environment full of excess toxic feminine energy (I was raised by a single mother who was also an abusive narcissist), the result has been paralysis on my part, toxic passivity, and a great depression.
Low self-worth has been a recurring trend in my life, and because of that I haven’t really been able to be myself and thrive in this world. But with consistent action and showing up, I know now that this is what gets you out of the pits of despair.
As a creative person, I haven’t been very consistent at all, which has only let myself down as well as the people around me. As Faisal said, consistency generates confidence, which then further generates competency.
And once you’re a competent man, you are automatically placed at the high value level of social status.
Charisma is another thing, which is being competent to integrate all the masculine archetypes and know when to use them and in what context. This is very important.
I’m glad I had this encounter today with Faisal because it’s helped me to gain clarity about myself and uncover my suppressed rage about how I’ve been badly brought up.
Unlearning all of the bullshit we’ve been fed is a lifetime’s work, but it can be acted upon today.